What Inspired Me To Write Bohunk’s Redemption?

Not long after I took my last drink, popped my last pill, and entered recovery, I said to myself I told myself I’d write a book about my life with alcohol and drugs. I had survived countless encounters with death, and actually was brought back to life towards the end after a drug overdose in a suicide attempt. I felt I had a lot to say about my experience with alcoholism and drug addiction, and had lived to tell it.

What I didn’t realize at the time is that I had little to say about recovery. That soon changed after starting to attend meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. A few months or even a few years didn’t qualify me to talk about how I had finally learned how not to relapse as I had done so many times during my active years of addiction. I had little in the way of hope to offer another person who was experiencing what I had experienced. One thing I learned as a doctor is you don’t want to tell someone they have a life threatening disease without offering a solution, especially alcoholism and drug addiction, both hopeless conditions.

As I accrued time in recovery, I had more advice to pass on to the still suffering addict. Just exactly when I would try to do that in a book was not clear to me. I had grown to realize anonymity was key to my recovery so telling my story to the world with my identity was potentially a deal breaker. In fact, Alcoholics Anonymous has traditions which members follow, namely, tradition eleven states “Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films, and Tradition Twelve states. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.” 

In the short form,  I should remain anonymous for the sake of my recovery and AA as a whole. These traditions were learned the hard way when early members of AA broke their anonymity and publicly announced their alcoholic identities, some high profile, and later relapsed. For many years, I was reluctant to write my story for public consumption. However, AA also has Tradition Five, states “Each group has but one primary purpose: to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers. In the short form, helping others is central to the purpose and existence of AA, a magical inspiration that makes recovery work.

Why the Name Bohunk?

Bohunk is not my chosen name. I was given the name while a member of a fraternity Beta Theta Pi  at the University of Michigan. It was custom to attribute a derogatory name to a new member as practice of assimilation, usually at the time of “hell week” or initiation from pledge status to active status in the fraternity. The whole idea was to humiliate or humble the members. Why? I never bothered to research the answer. Whether I approved it or not, my fraternity name was intended to disparage and degrade the recipient. 

When I joined the fraternity I was majoring in philosophy, having gone through a particularly traumatic transformation from a devout Catholic to an agnostic. That happened when I attended a Catholic men’s college, St Ambrose in Davenport, Iowa. There I received a steady dose of orthodoxy from the priests and professors that crystallized Jesus Christ as central to Catholicism. Whereas I viewed God as one, and not split into a trinity, the Father, Son 

That created an upheaval in direct conflict with the Judaic Religion from my earlier Jewish practice and education. I had a fundamental falling out or emotional crisis that created an abyss similar to that described by Frederich Nietzsche. I experienced my own “Death of God” and crisis of nihilism, particularly Christendom. Although I was in a profound depression, I appeared and sounded lost and confused. 

Unknowingly, I became addicted to alcohol and later drugs similar to Nietzsche who used opium in dangerously high doses. He was also a heavy user of other psychoactive drugs including potassium bromide, a mysterious “Javanese narcotic”, and most unremittingly, chloral hydrate, a known hallucinogen. I took bottles of opiate drugs and chloral hydrate. Thus, I stared into the abyss of intoxication, despair and hopelessness. I had not only studied philosophy, I had adopted a philosophical perspective. Thus, my fraternity brothers called me Bohunk instead of Addict.

To some, Bohunk is a disparaging or offensive name for an immigrant from central or eastern Europe, especially a laborer. To others, it was just another way to say “uncivilized.” My heritage was Romani, Polish, and Lithuanian, so I fit. Bohunk has another derivation that fit me at the time, as a philosophy major in a conformist fraternity environment, I was unconventional and a nonconformist. My limited brothers were sages unwittingly and showed uncharacteristic clairvoyance.

While studying philosophy, I identified mostly with Plato from my universal religious backgrounds, though my addictions plunged me into the more negative and pathetic philosophy of existentialism and nihilists. As others I had rejected universal forms or established deity or truths accepted as self-evident. Afterall, Plato’s proof for the existence of God was merely that most people believed in a greater power than humans. 

Alcohol and drugs became my higher power, my abyss and ultimately my destruction. I definitely earned and lived the name, Bohunk.

Bohunk’s Redemption: Chapter 4 excerpt

“Wisdom comes by disillusionment.” -George Santayana

Photograph by Rakicevic Nenad

“My drinking began unceremoniously when my new (college) roommate asked if I wanted a drink. I had had little drinking experience to know what to do, while drinking the better part of a fifth of vodka or gin. I just recall clear liquid containing alcohol. My faint recollection was wrestling with my new roommate, obtaining a noticeable flesh wound in the bridge of my nose. Which left to this day, a telltale scar. With that badge of debacle, you can imagine what stories I made up to explain the first thing someone saw when they met me. Maybe fraternities wouldn’t judge me if I explained I was drunk, as that turned out to be a common occurrence in fraternities.

The morning after I hurt all over, even my hair, from a hangover. From the bout. I was terriblly sick when I rode my bicycle to the church for Sunday Catholic mass, clinging to the last vestige of hope. You’d think I wouldn’t ever try drinking like that again anytime soon, but I did. As it turned out, over and over, repeatedly, and got sicker and sicker. Had I known what I know now, I would have recognized I was an alcoholic from the start, putting family history, genetic makeup, initial black out drinking, fighting, malignant hangovers, and many, many regrets.

My hopeless gloom continued as I meandered around campus, searching for my God who was dead. I was spiritually lifeless, and emotionally helpless. So, I turned to the study of philosophy, to understand why I felt lost as I did. To unearth what happened to my God or did a God, or I, ever really exist. These were my questions I never contemplated before, nor knew existed. Why would I ever doubt I existed, or whether I was mind or matter, being or nothingness, an idea or forms? My introductory philosophy course focused on Plato, as most philosophy courses do, and did not ask many questions about God, not religious based. Still, I discovered questions about reality, if it existed, as well as knowledge, if we could know anything, and what was matter, if it even mattered.”

***

Bohunk’s Redemption, my recovery memoir, is now available to purchase on ebook and paperback on Amazon and Barnes & Noble!

You can even read a free instant preview of the first couple of chapters: here!

Walking Away from an Addiction

I felt like someone was holding onto me and dragging me up, down, everywhere.  I was on a roller coaster out of control, heading towards crash after crash.” –Bohunk’s Redemption

Leaving an addiction can feel like an impossible task. However there are ways to make it easier, manageable, and even achievable. Here’s a few ways that can help:

1) Don’t look at who you are now, look at who you want to be.

Negative thoughts and guilt towards yourself are not helpful, especially since you’ve already decided you want to change. Instead, channel that energy into setting new short and long-term goals on helping yourself become free from the addiction.

2) Remove easy access to the addictive substance(s).

At some point, you will likely want to go back to your addiction, even when you know it isn’t in your best interest. If you have the ability to easily access the addictive substance, it will be even more difficult to resist the temptation. Make it difficult for yourself to go return to the addiction, so it will be easier to stay on the path of quitting.

3) The first step is usually the hardest.

Being aware and reminding yourself that it will get easier over time can be significant motivation when trying to navigate through the beginning.

4) Reach out for support.

You don’t have to go through this alone. The knowledge that other people care about you or know what you’re going through can help strengthen your resolve. There is no shame in seeking a support group, or opening up to a close family member or friend.

5) Consistency

Above all else, keep trying, keep chasing your goal of sobriety. If you stay on your path, you will reach it!

Like this post?
Check out the new memoir: Bohunk’s Redemption, a captivating story of the struggles through extreme addiction and the ability to recover, an inspiration for everyone in recovery: You can still achieve great things!

Check it out here!
https://www.amazon.com/Bohunks-Redemption-Blacking-Showing-Adventures-ebook/dp/B07RT6QD65

Please note: This blog post is to be used for inspirational use only, and not to be used as a substitute for medical advice. Quitting an addiction is fantastic, but it’s also important to know the safest methods for quitting your specific addiction, while minimizing any withdrawal effects.

Bohunk Excerpts Part 2

Now I know, “practicing these principles in all our affairs” is daunting and where I often fail. But it is not how many times you fail that counts, it is how many times you try that matters. Though I practice these 12 Steps in my daily life, I am by no means a saint by anyone’s standards. I am still trying to stay one step ahead of my addictions though I do work Step 1 in AA perfectly by abstaining from alcohol and addicting drugs, and in DA by abstaining from compulsive debting.

  However, I am an example for other alcoholics and drug addicts who want to recover, and for professionals who want to help their patients and clients who suffer from addictive illnesses. I write articles and books to help physicians and others who care for patients and clients with addictions. I give talks and teach medical students, residents, doctors, and anyone who wants to know and listen. I am considered an expert in a field where expertise is lacking, and not highly valued, unfortunately.

Yet I am grateful. I am blessed. I have turned a life-threatening disease into an asset. I found a power greater than myself: to help others. I don’t always know where I am going, but I am not lost. I have good orderly direction. I can live more in the solution, less in the problem. I can help where sometimes no one else can. God is doing for me what I could not do for myself.

Keeping sober and abstinent are the most important things in my life. The most important decisions I ever made were my decisions to give up my addictions. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink, drug, or debt. Nothing is as important to me as my own sobriety and abstinence. Everything I have, my whole life, depend on those things. Can I afford to forget these, even for one minute?      

—Chapter 21 “It Gets Better, It Works If You Work It,” Bohunk’s Redemption, From Blacking Out to Showing Up: A Doctor’s Adventures

📖 Available on ebook and paperback at Amazon and Barnes & Noble!

Bohunk Excerpts… Part 1

I was constantly trying to explain my irrational thoughts and behaviors. I had intellectualized my entire world. I had rationalizations for just about everything. I lived in complete denial of my addiction and the life it created. I feared shadows, running away from ghosts of the past, present, and future, and my impending doom. When would the next tsunami hit? I was a walking time bomb, sure to go off. On a roller coaster, out of control, heading for a disaster. Death only a matter of time; committed to dying, sure to happen. No way to live. Not living, just along for the ride with death.

One day, I was looking out the window of my townhouse on a dreary afternoon in late October. I thought to myself, if I keep drinking I would be sure to start back using the tranquilizers, sedatives, and narcotics, etc. I would overdose next, followed by another intensive care unit, psychiatric hospital, alcohol. I wasn’t afraid of death. I was afraid of living. I had had enough. I had reached my bottom. I was trapped somewhere between living and dying, in limbo, on the fence, the most difficult place to be. I couldn’t stay sober, and couldn’t stay drunk. I was a cat on a hot tin roof, unable to stay airborne. I began my long journey of surrender to win. I had to give up alcohol and drugs for good, one day at a time. I had to acknowledge I was powerless over alcohol and drugs; imagine, finally…

—Chapter 8 “Powerlessness and Acceptance,” Bohunk’s Redemption, From Blacking Out to Showing Up: A Doctor’s Adventures

📖 Available on ebook and paperback at Amazon and Barnes & Noble!

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